i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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