About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
How does one acquire holy water?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
