Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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