That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
