At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Green mimosas i think yes
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
