Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
