I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
