a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
