Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
