Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
