Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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