I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
