after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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