ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
he thought i was a dude.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
