i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
