Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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