We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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