I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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