Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
