chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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