Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
