if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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