If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
