Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
