69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
