On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
