If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
