its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I know her cup size but not her name....
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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