I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
