According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
