dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Randomize
