I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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