Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
