i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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