CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
