yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Someone shattered a urinal.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Randomize
