Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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