"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
