And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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