i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
