I must be too annoying 4 u.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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