I accidentally burped into my bong.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
