Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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