areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
