they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
