we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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