You can't special order awesome
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
