When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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