The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
