Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
